My Honest Check In

I recently had a conversation with a friend who tells it like it is.  I deeply I admire this quality in her; I’ve never had it.  I have more of a tell-it-like-you-want-to-hear-it thing going on…it’s less admirable.  Anyway, she gave me a compelling lecture/pep talk about dragging my feet with this whole building-my-dream-career thing; it was awesome and validating and shaming and great because she believes in me and instead of telling me everything will be fine and I’ll do it when I’m ready she kicked me in the butt and told me to get it in gear.  I want to be like her when I grow up.

Honesty has a weird place in our lives, especially with the magical world of social media running things.  I know that my life is presented in a certain light by the photos I choose to post, I know that I’ve had a hard time figuring out this whole blog thing because I didn’t know what “category” I fit into (and trying to fit myself into a number of “blogger niches” was like trying on leather pants that are two sizes too small – it ain’t gonna work), I know sometimes I tell little lies because it’s easier/safer than telling the telling truth.  But I also know that I’m in control of the side of my life represented by social media, and now I know that I don’t have to fit into a category, in fact this whole thing will come much easier if I’m just myself (AKA buy pants that fit me), and…well, I’m working on the last thing.

A lot of bloggers post cute little check-ins about the cute little things they’re doing and feeling – I always thought it was…well…cute, and I’ve done it a couple of times.  But to really kick off the whole just-be-yourself thing I thought I’d write a more honest check-in, the positive and the negative, because there is never a time in life when just one of those things is present.  There are always a bajillion feelings and thoughts and actions swirling around…I mean, if you haven’t seen Inside Out yet you need to.  The movie explains it better than I ever could.  Anyway!

Currently…

Watching – Jessica Jones.  Late to the party but still the life of it.

Reading – Big Magic.  Must sit down and finish it already! 

Listening to – ALL CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME

Wearing – Boots, sweaters and scarves.  It makes me so happy.

Grateful for – The gift of time and opportunity I’ve been given. 

Craving – Shortbread.  I don’t know why.  But I do know this proves I’m actually 80.

Proud of – My budding cooking skills and homemade meals.

Planning – The JDJ Christmas Road Trip Extravaganza.  I. Can’t. Wait.

Coveting – Me time.  The movie Elf.  Any and all scented candles.

Loving – My Husband.  My Family.  My Friends.  Tis the season for serious warm and fuzzies.

Now here’s the other side of things.

Currently…

Stressed about – Money.  Always.

Wondering – If I’m making the right life choices.  I think I am.  But it’s hard not to have doubts.

Frustrated with – My time management skills (or lack there of).

Insecure about – My thighs.  My eyebrows.  The weird long hair on my chin that keeps coming back no matter how many times I pluck it.

Sad about – The violence in the world.  The ignorance.  Being far away from my family (some sadnesses are smaller than others but they still count).

Afraid of – Failing.  Disappointing people.  The way my cat stares intently at something directly behind me that I can’t see.

Thinking about – Christmas.  War.  Working out.  Overeating.  My cute new clothes that arrived today.  How much I spent on the cute new clothes.  It’s finally cold outside and I love it.  Some people have to sleep outside and don’t have enough blankets.  All the wonderful plans I have coming up in the next week.  How little time I have to myself (and how selfish that feels). 

The point: It’s a constant battle between positive and negative in my head.  And I think this is how it is for everyone.  We are not perfect creatures (except for George Clooney) and we’re not supposed to be. 

I’m not saying we should stop constantly posting and writing and talking about all the good things in life – in fact I think it’s important that we continue to blast optimism into the world every chance we get. I am saying that balance is valuable and it’s important to recognize that everyone has a bajillion things going on at all times, whether we know it or not.  

And sometimes we just need to tell it like it is.